How Can We Use Self-Compassion to Combat Shame?

Writer: Kristhalyn Garcia

Editors: Samantha Rodriguez and Keila Cruz

Most people have felt shame at some point, whether from a personal failure, a perceived flaw, or external factors like feeling judged by others. It can be an incredibly hard emotion to cope with because it’s a deeply ingrained, overwhelming emotion that shapes how we see ourselves and, in turn, affects how we navigate the world. Unlike guilt, which is a feeling of regret for a specific action or behavior, shame stems from regret over a choice or mistake and impacts one's entire sense of self. It can lead to self-criticism, isolation, and internal distress, making individuals feel small, inferior, worthless, vulnerable, and incompetent (Sedighimornani et al., 2019). However, research has found that practicing self-compassion can help decrease the negative impact shame has on mental health (Kotera et al., 2022). This article aims to discuss the harmful effects of shame on mental health and how practicing self-compassion can help counteract these effects and promote better mental well-being. 

So, what is self-compassion? In contrast to shame, self-compassion allows individuals to process their emotions from a place of understanding while treating themselves with the same kindness and understanding they’d show to a close friend. In this way, the individual learns to view their hardship as part of the human experience and acknowledge their negative emotions without encompassing them wholly. With that being said, self-compassion was found to serve as a protective factor against the harmful effects of shame (Sedighimornani et al., 2019).  Researchers Luoma and Platt (2015) found that self-criticism and shame play a large role in many psychological disorders, such as depression, schizophrenia, and social anxiety, often worsening the symptoms of these disorders. Self-stigma develops when individuals internalize negative beliefs about themselves, which deters them from seeking help. This perpetuates a cycle in which shame feeds self-criticism, leading to distress, which in turn reinforces feelings of shame. Self-compassion consists of three key parts. The first is self-kindness, which involves treating oneself with warmth and understanding rather than self-criticism. The second is common humanity, where the individual acknowledges that imperfection and suffering are part of the human experience. Lastly, mindfulness allows individuals to acknowledge their emotions and thoughts without tying their identity to these feelings. Sedighimornani, Rimes, and Verplanken (2019) found that self-compassion helps decrease the effects of shame and helps create a healthy way of coping with shame through mindfulness. They found that self-compassion helps the individual regulate their emotions and respond to adversity in a healthy way.

There are various therapeutic interventions that incorporate self-compassion and can be embraced by psychotherapists to help individuals cope with shame and self-stigma. For example, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), a type of psychotherapy, integrates self-compassion techniques to support individuals in managing distress associated with shame (Luoma & Platt, 2019). ACT encourages individuals to acknowledge and accept their emotions without judgment while simultaneously encouraging them to make life changes that align with their values in order to lead a more fulfilling life. By encouraging self-compassion, ACT helps individuals leave behind negative and critical thought patterns, reduce shame-related distress, and develop emotional resilience. A study found that individuals who practice self-compassion actually experience lower levels of depression and anxiety (Kotera et al., 2022), better emotional stability in response to obstacles (Sedighimornani et al., 2019), and have a higher motivation for personal growth (Luoma & Platt, 2015). These benefits make self-compassion a valuable tool in promoting mental health resilience, particularly for individuals who face ongoing challenges related to shame and self-criticism.

Similarly, Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT) specifically aims to aid those who struggle with shame and self-criticism that comes as a result of early life experiences of abuse or neglect. By practicing and implementing self-compassion and self-kindness, individuals learn how to regulate their emotions but also how to self-soothe and be more aware of the connection between their mind and body (Leaviss & Uttley, 2015). Both ACT and CFT have been effective in improving overall mental well-being and helping individuals overcome the cycle of shame.

Moreover, self-compassion can also be practiced in smaller ways in order to shift from a mental space of self-criticism to one of kindness and understanding. One method is self-compassionate journaling, where prompts like "What are the difficult emotions I’m experiencing right now, and how can I acknowledge them with kindness?" help individuals to express and process their feelings on their own without judgment. Mindfulness meditation, like "May I be happy, may I be healthy, may I live with ease," creates a more positive and kind outlook towards oneself. The Self-Compassion Break is another useful technique where individuals acknowledge their distress, remind themselves that suffering is a part of the human experience, and then offer themselves kind words of comfort (Neff, 2024). Daily affirmations, such as "I am worthy of love and care, including from myself," help create a more self-compassionate mindset over time. Moreover, writing a self-compassionate letter, where one speaks to oneself with the same kindness as they would to a friend, is also a helpful technique. These practices, when incorporated into daily life, can help break the cycle of self-criticism and shame, allowing individuals to grow emotional resilience and better mental well-being.

Shame can be an overwhelming and isolating feeling, often leading individuals to become their own harshest critic and leaving behind long-term mental health struggles. However, we have seen how self-compassion offers a powerful way to alleviate its harmful effects. By engaging in self-kindness and understanding without judgment it reduces the impact shame has, supports psychological well-being, and encourages the individual to seek help. Encouraging self-compassion can help break the cycle of self-criticism created by shame and create a healthier, more supportive mindset.